my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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