You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
