shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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