I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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