So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
