who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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