My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
