My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
