Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
