I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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