Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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