Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Found your dick twin last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
