Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
