i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
