I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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