Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
