My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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