you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
