"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
