yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
