I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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