I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
