at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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