she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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