My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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