I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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