I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize