I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
