she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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