I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
my god I love twenty year old dicks
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
