are you still at the devil's house?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
