I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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