Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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