Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
