As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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