Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
