My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize