I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
