After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
