i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
