Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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