Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
