Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
