Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
