I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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