my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
