And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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