He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
