Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
tell me about the fingering
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