I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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