1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
