Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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