i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
