he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
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If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My ass is underappreciated
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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