im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you still have your period?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
