i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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