If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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