She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
