Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
