you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
