At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
