Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
smell my finger.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize