I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
